Are we there yet?

If you are a parent you are quite familiar with this annoying question.  However, I have come to realize that as adults, we ask this question just as often.  The only difference is that we have the self control not to ask out loud in a repetitive manner.

I first became familiar with this question when I became married.  "Well, I'm married, that makes me an adult, right?"  I don't know about you, but deep in my heart I knew simply the act of putting on an adult title certainly did not magically bestow on me the maturity to call myself grown.  The question came to visit again when I had kids.  "I have a baby now, so why do I still feel like I am playing house?  When do I feel like a 'real' parent?"  As real as midnight feedings and screaming babies are, it took a few years. Once, I had to follow through on the threat of "If you are not dressed in 5 minutes we are getting in the car and leaving, PJ's or not." I remember thinking at that point that I definitely now felt like a parent.  The question reappeared with homeschooling.  When I started I felt as if I was pretending to play school.  I would look at the long term homeschoolers and think, "When do I get there?"  I can't even tell you when that happened, but somehow through longevity, maturity, and experience, I know I'm there.

Well, I find myself asking again.  I have lost weight.  I've achieved a number I wanted to reach.  So when do I feel like a thin person?  (You have no idea how hard it was for me to just use the "T" word.  I don't really think I am thin, just at a healthy weight.  But for lack of a better word for the opposite of fat, I'll use thin.)  Right now I still feel like a fat girl who is pretending to be thin for a while.  I keep wondering when the facade will wear off, and I will go back to bad eating habits, and quit the gym.  I find this really scary, because unlike becoming a wife and mother, on this one, I could go back. 

I have the checklist of what I have done to get here.  Yep, changed to good, non-fad eating habits.  Yes, I have a good balanced workout plan and schedule.  Sure, I have changed my whole lifestyle.  For the first time ever I even got rid of all my too-big clothes.  And I mean all of them, I don't even have a set of one-size up.  No safety net here.  (OK, I kept my largest pair of jeans and one very large t-shirt, but as a reminder, not a backup.)  So when will I get there?  When will I feel like this is my life and not just a blip I am playing at?  When will I stop fearing that this is just a faze instead of a permanent way of life?

I think I already know the answer.  When you don't feel like an adult in your marriage, you still try to make adult choices for the good of the union.  Even if you still feel like a child yourself, for the welfare of your kids, you make parent-like decisions.  On the worst days when you feel like it is ridiculous to call yourself a teacher, you still get up and carry forth with lessons.  Why, because it's the right thing to do.  So, I don't feel like a thin girl.  So what.  I will carry on with the business of "acting" thin.  I will get up, I will eat the right things, I will go to the gym.  Even when I don't feel like it.  Why?  Because somewhere deep in my head I know that is who I am now.  And some day, somehow, through longevity, maturity, and experience, I'll know I'm there.